Seriously people, smoking during pregnancy is not cool, you can’t blame the devil for having an unhealthy child if it was your decision to grab a cigarette while your baby was inside your body.
I like movies, everyone knows I do-I love them-but I will never be in charge of one because my ideas are stupid and wrong in my head. There’s nothing different about that, nothing fascinating, interesting, worth looking at. I have bad hair and stupid eyes. I have a body that’s nothing.I’m too fat and my mouth is idiotic ugly. My clothes are a joke, my jokes are desperate and complicated and nobody else laughs. I talk like a moron, I can’t say one thing to talk to people that makes them like me, I just babble and sputter like a drinking fountain broken…I’m not something anyone should know. I’m a lunatic wandering around for scraps. I’m like every single miserable moron I’ve scorned and pretended I didn’t recognize. I’m all of them, every last ugly thing in a bad last minute costume. I’m not different, not at all, not different from any other speck of a thing. I’m a blemished blemish, a ruined ruin, a stained wreck so failed I can’t see what I used to be. I’m nothing, not a single thing.
Everybody has those aspects in their personality that you would like to change or at least reduce, much more when we are talking about your couple.
Well, my boyfriend has one thing I would like to take out of his mind: jealousy.
So when he ask me if I love him, if he’s my one and only, I normally say yes; but recently I felt I needed to be honest with him and I told him there’s someone I love besides him: Park, a fiction character from Rainbow Rowel on her novel Eleanor & Park.
Obviously I had to explain Why I love Park, so here is the letter I wrote to him.
I think I know why I like Park so much.
He is just like you, despite his age, he could be called Joe Carter and I won’t be surprised. Eleanor & Park, Karla & Joe.
He likes Eleanor, against the odds, against her own expectations. She never thought someone could love her like he does, accepted her and be proud of her like he is. But most of all, she didn’t expect to love him back, love him that much, having her love growing so fast. So when it happened, she didn’t know what to do about it, it was all too new.
The two of them were so different, he’s Korean and she’s white, a read head, actually. I think its funny, they are an interracial couple anyways.
He’s skinny and strong, handsome, she is weird and big, she comes from a different kind of family, very different from Park’s family.
You’re African-American , I am Mexican, it never made sense for me that you wanted something real with me, that you could look at me that way.
I didn’t expect to love you as much as I do and when I feel like I’m about to lose you, I go crazy. We are different, not only in the outside, we are so different that if a year ago someone would’ve tell me I was going to fall in love with you, I wouldn’t believe it. Yet, here I am, in love and loving you. Even with all odds go against us, we’ve survived so much and im happy for it.
Just thinking about your smile makes me laugh, the way you sing to me like if your life depends on it. Thinking on everytime you hold my hand, or when you’ve carry me even if I say I’m too heavy for you, but you’re so strong.
I love you, Joseph.
And I love Park, because sometimes, in some weird ways only I can see, he’s just like you.
Yours, and only yours,
For real, people!!